To Be a Man Is to Be a Slave

To be a man is to exist in chains, though those chains are rarely recognized for what they are. They’re called virtues instead: duty, sacrifice, reliability. From an early age, boys are fed into this narrative. They told what it means to be a man. Be strong. Be dependable. Sacrifice your comfort, your dreams, and eventually your identity for the sake of others. These aren’t expectations, they’re sly demands. And a man who refuses them is seen as defective.

Society celebrates these virtues in men, but the celebration is hollow. Is it about honouring the individual? Or is it really about getting his servitude. A man’s worth is tied entirely to his utility. How much he can provide, how much he can endure, and how much he can give. His life is reduced to a series of transactions, and his value is measured by what he produces for others.

Ask someone what makes a man, and the answer is always the same. He must sacrifice for his family. He must work tirelessly, often in silence, without asking for thanks. He must protect and provide, endure hardship without complaint, and be the unshakable foundation upon which everyone else stands. Essentially, he is expected to be a servant, a slave, whose life is not his own but belongs to those who depend on him.

This is as honour. Men are told they should take pride in this role and that their sacrifices are noble. And they believe it. They throw themselves into the role of provider, protector, and rock, convinced that fulfillment lies at the end of the checklist society has handed them. Build a career. Amass wealth. Create a family. Be respected. Be admired. Indulge sparingly in life’s pleasures, but never too much. Fulfill these duties, they are told, and happiness will follow.

But that isn’t how life works.

Men who achieve everything on this list often find themselves hollowed out. The career, the wealth, the family. These bring moments of relief, but not joy. There is no sense of triumph, only a fleeting pause from the relentless grind. And then comes the midlife crisis, but I would more accurately describe it as a collapse of the spirit. These men look in the mirror and see someone they don’t recognize. Someone who has spent decades sacrificing and serving, only to find they’ve lost themselves along the way.

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What makes this worse is that society rarely acknowledges it. Men aren’t supposed to have these feelings. They’re not supposed to feel empty, or unfulfilled, or desperate for something more. They’re supposed to carry on silently until the day they die. Their emotions, their dreams, their individuality. None of it matters, as long as they fulfill their duties.

Some men embrace the servitude of masculinity because they cannot fathom an identity outside of it. Their entire sense of self-worth is tethered to the roles they play (provider, protector, sacrificer). To strip away these duties would be to strip away their purpose. They wear their slavery like armour. They mistake it for strength because the idea of freedom, of existing for themselves, feels alien. For these men, the chains are internalized into their very sense of being. They defend their servitude because they’ve been conditioned to see anything else as weakness. They see it as a betrayal of the very notion of what it means to be a man.

But men have souls, too. They have hearts, emotions, and aspirations that are uniquely their own. But these are seen as secondary and irrelevant.

For those who dare to question this role, who dare to break free, the consequences are immediate. They are branded as selfish, cruel, and ungrateful. Breaking the chains is a disruption to everyone who has come to rely on a man’s servitude. Families, friends, and colleagues often see this as betrayal because they’ve built their lives around the assumption that the man will always be there, always sacrificing, always giving.

But freedom isn’t free. To reclaim one’s life means accepting that others will be hurt, disappointed, or even angry. It means being willing to confront the guilt, the shame, and the accusations of selfishness that will follow. But, the alternative is far worse. A lifetime spent as a hollow shell living for others but never for yourself.

True freedom for a man comes from living by your own convictions, following your own soul, and prioritizing your own humanity over anyone else’s comfort. It’s about standing firm in your refusal to be a tool, a servant, or a machine built for others.

To be a man is to embrace this freedom, even when it comes at great cost. It’s to understand that the price of freedom is worth paying, because the alternative, living as a slave, is no life at all. Anything less than freedom is just survival. Anything less than authenticity is mere existence.

To be a man is to live for yourself, unapologetically. All else is servitude, dressed up as duty.

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